Home Life

The dictionary has an array of definitions for home. They range anywhere from describing a place that one occupies, especially as part of a family unit all the way to home plate baseball. But as for me I like a different definition, a place where something is most commonly found and flourishes. That is what I think of when I think home. But borrowing some of Shane's thoughts I wonder if I would consider Alameda home if the people I love there weren't living there anymore. If my family moved to Saunook, NC (yes its a real place. Thank you google maps) would that become home to me? If all of my friends in the Bay no longer lived there would that be home to me? If yes, then I suppose since I grew up in the Bay that forms a common bond and recogniztion as home. If no, then is home where ever you find yourself with the people that matter most to you? Or is a hybrid of both. I'm not trying to prove anything to myself or to whoever is reading this. Rather I am just trying to go on a journey through thought.

I know home by sounds: a cable car's bell, sea gulls, the sound of the waves hitting against the rocks and sand, a fog horn, church bells ringing at noon, the buses pulling away from the curb.

I know home by smell: Salty air, smog, grass fields.

I know home by feel: broken sidewalks, dirty handrails, wet sand, smooth concrete, the feel of wind pushing against my face.

I know home by taste: Garlic Fries at At&T, Vegatarian Nachos at La Pin, Margs (Papa Turs reciepe, of course), heart shaped cinnamon sugar waffles, guppies, Boudin chili, anything Italian.

I know home by sight: the memories of friends and places fill my mind and heart and continue the replay there until new ones are added.

2 Minute Drill

Have to be out the door in 2 minutes and on to class-

Why do things that originally appear stagnant start moving against once you no longer have the ability to act on them? Maybe finding yourself outside of something finally allows you to fully see it and reflect.

It is like when you give a friend relationship advice. When you aren't part of the relationship you know exactly what needs to be done. Say that to them, do that, don't bring that up. But consequently when you're the one in the relationship you don't know what the hell is going on. Nothing makes sense to you and you don't have a solid grasp on the direction you need to go.

I guess from time to time we all need to put ourselves outside of ourselves if that makes any sense.

Buzzer.

Here's The Thing

Come on and ride the train.

I know what I want. I think we all do. But then we let outside influences or people get in the way. Questions like, "What will they say?", "How will I be looked at?", and so forth come rushing into our consciences.


Love sought is good, but given unsought, is better.

Age ain't nothing but a number. At this point do two years really mean anything? Apparently so. I know who I am and what I can do and what I can offer. "I'll follow you and make a heaven out of hell, and I'll die by your hand which I love so well." But it appears at present that that isn't good enough. My best isn't good enough. That's life or so I'm told.

Perhaps I once again find myself as Gatsby reaching for the light on the other side. What will it take to be noticed. Should it even take anything?

All is fair in love and war.

Jesus Children of America. You better tell your story fast.

"So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past."

Response

Am I doing what I wish I was doing? No.

Simple answer, tough to arrive at. I can honestly say that I'm happy. I enjoy the day to day life but is being in college what I wish I was doing? Not at all. I'll be honest when I say I don't remember much of anything that I learned in high school. I can't remember how to balance a chemical equation, how to find the acceleration of a block of wood, nor the forces acting on it for that matter, most of the math I learned (ever), nor can I remember certain dates in history and their importance.

Rather I remember the relationships I forged in between the classes. Meeting and making meaningful connections with people is what I think it means to be human. You can think, you can feel, you can share.

So there are a million other places that I would rather be on this Saturday night then here in a dorm room with a pile of reading, papers unwritten, and tests to be studied for before Monday. But then again what does the future hold after all this? Perhaps, the ability to provide for those less fortunate than myself. Random acts of kindness, that is what I'm about. Oh you can't get a Christmas present for each of your children? Here is $500 go buy each of your kids 10 things. No you don't have to say thank you, it's my pleasure.

Sure, I rather be waking up each morning in The Bay not knowing where the day will take me. Instead, just knowing that I'd be doing my best to live that day to the fullest. But that isn't realistic right now. But in putting in the time and effort now I can help ensure that one day I will be doing what I want. It won't be today, nor tomorrow, nor 5 years from now but one day I'll be sitting in a circle with my closest friends, some already known, others not yet met, with a smile on my face because then I'll be doing what I want to be doing. Living life to the fullest with those individuals who make life worthwhile.


A thought:

Why do we spend billions funding NASA? Who really cares what the milky way looks like? Or exactly how hot it is on Venus or if there was ever water on Mars? If there is life out there they can come find us. Until then lets put those billions in the pockets of the struggling single parent, the homeless family, or working to pay off the nation debt.

Or we can continue to gather information on what the solar system looked like billions of years ago. Your call.

One Life To Live

I think we've all heard it before, we only have one life to live. Live it right and one will be enough. I like that. But often times I wonder if we can all honestly saying we are living the life we wish we were. Of course I have to start by narrowing my focus and using the United States as my example. All of us are held back from being what we want to be by one thing, money. Sadly, in this capitalist society, one's worth is influenced by their net worth. Sure it is great to be a nice person but no money? Oh sorry, can't help you. No I think that that is really great that you volunteer and work with homeless. You work long hours trying to help the homeless in San Francisco find housing and get jobs so they can be independent, but see the thing is that you only make $10 an hour doing that so we can't help you. You can't buy that house, you can't drive that car, you're kids can't go to that school. Oh but you Mr. Wall Street Investor, please come on in. Since you know how to play the market your worth is more than our community service focused friend clipping coupons over there.

But then again, what if that guy is completely happy with his $10 an hour? Who cares how big that paycheck is if in your heart of hearts you're happy? In this life you only have to be true to yourself. Do what you want, go where you will. Be yourself. This life is what you make, so make it a good one.

Put it together

October 2007/October 2008

Different worlds. Life has changed so dramatically for me over the past year and I expect and hope that it stays that way.

I was only in New York City for 10 hours or so and I already want to go back. San Francisco will always be my home. Like so many others my heart is there. My voice can be heard in the ringing of the cable car bells or in Embarcadero station when you hear "2 car L outbound in 2 minutes, 2 car N in six minutes." My beginning is on California St. My end? Probably in Colma with Grandma. San Francisco when I come home to you your golden sun will shine for me.

New York City could very well become my East Coast base. As we came across the George Washington Bridge ($8 toll by the way) I was shrunk down to size by the sheer size of NYC. People always have told me that San Francisco is a small city, I never really had anything to compare it to until I saw Manhattan in front of me. I really only saw a radius of 10 blocks. So much will remain a mystery until I return. I love going to a place completely foreign to me and just walking around and exploring. Too many people I know need a destination. I'm never so concerned with where I am going vs the path I'm on. Am I happy? Am I learning? Am I meeting new people and sharing stories? Am I growing as a person? This is what is important to me.

As time moves forward I have to recongnize that unlike last year I am more present in Boston. But it is foolish to say that a part of me isn't in Alameda and another in San Diego. Last year I let my focus leave me and instead of being in the here and now was in the there and tomorrow. Maybe I couldn't handle it. One thing is for certain, we hold and foster different views of what life is going to be for us. She wanted me to be something I couldnt be.

The Navy is starting to piss me off. Im passing on this NROTC thing. I wont be some monkey boy that jumps through the hoops and shines the shoes. I love this country but I won't play a game to be told my worth. I'll get a degree, then another, then I'll come talk to you guys, of course then I'll be the one called sir.

I wish I was with the people closest to me. We are all going different ways and having different experiences. But truth be told I miss Ash Wednesday, I miss evenings that have no plan set in stone but then live in our memories as the best of the year, I miss La nights and even Water Ball. I know who would have thought?

6 weeks and I'll be back in the Bay. That feels right.

Shane, I have much to say but this isn't the proper medium. I will say that if we need to jump the pond to take care of some 26 year old fool I'm ready to put my fist through his face with you.

New York Minute

This past weekend was madness. We left BC at around 2:30. Due to some bad directions we ended up in Torrington, CT (not Chester, NJ) but some nice people at Johnny's Package along with my brother and googlemaps got us back on track. We arrived later in the evening to the best Mexican food I've ever had not in a mexican restaurant (That title remains with La Pinata). We filmed for the better part of the weekend. I won't bore anybody with the details but it was so much fun.

Monday we all went into NYC. First time there. Still in a state of shock. Hooray for Times Sq, Letterman, and 30 Rock. Seeing a taping of Letterman made my life. The first grader inside of me was smiling indeed.

More lates.

October don't mess around

It is only the 2nd day of October and my mind has been shattered a handful of times already. I'm gonna keep it short and just say that I can only dream to be on the same level as one Shane Harris. Tommy is doing big things in New Orleans. I'm just amazed at what this FamBam does when we aren't spending afternoons playing four square or knock out. Which reminds, we never threw Stacy in the pool. I hope you're reading this Stacy. Watch yourself.

See I look at it like this, when we are at the HBC that is our time to rest up. Rest of the year we're out there changing the world. Oh and happy 3 month anniversary from the USS Pampanito field trip.

October!

Is here. Who knows what the month will bring. I'm just glad it isn't September anymore. That month was like the friend who you invite to a party because you know they'll find out if you don't. Anyway they drink all of the margs for marg pong, get pretty drunk, then won't leave. You try and be cool but at 5am you just want to sleep. Get your ass out of here September. Whoa October I wasn't sure if you were going to be able to make it. Good to see you bud.

Godspeed Tommy.